Wired Energy Drinks: What the F@#k Did I Just Drink?

by Matt Weik

I’d like to think I’m an energy drink connoisseur (at least in my own head) as I have tried just about everything that is out on the market these days. From my days working with a supplement manufacturer, I’ve always been knee-deep in the stimulant and energy category. And from the products I have tried in the past, MOST of them have an amazing flavor profile. Of those “most” I have found that some have a great profile while others provide you with an energy boost similar to plain old tap water. And then comes Wired Energy Drinks.

For starters, these are my personal opinions on Wired Energy Drinks, I purchased the drinks with my own coin and have not been paid or influenced to change my views or what I’m about to say.

Now that we got that out of the way… Wired Energy Drinks are the worst thing I’ve ever drunk in my life. Period. End of story. The End. Literally, THE WORST. You all know I keep it real, you can’t pay me for good reviews, and I call it as I see it. So, here’s the rest of this horror story.

What Did I Just Drink… Twice?

As if drinking one can of Wired Energy Drinks wasn’t bad enough, I went and grabbed the second can out of my refrigerator the next morning because I guess I wanted to add insult to injury.

I found the Wired Energy Drinks on sale at Boyer’s here in Pennsylvania for $0.50 each. While the price had me scratching my head, I thought to myself, “They can’t be that bad, right?” HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Yeah, they can!

The only flavor the store carried was the Passion Fruit but it should have been called Devastating Breakup as there was no “passion” fruit taste to it. In fact, I couldn’t get out any flavor from the taste at all, from start to finish it was horrible. It was so bad that they couldn’t even pay me to drink more of these Wired Energy Drinks.

I’m actually sitting here writing this piece drinking a competitor’s energy drink thankful that not all energy drinks have the flavor profile of Wired Energy Drinks.

What’s in Wired Energy Drinks?

Looking at the Passion Fruit flavor that I purchased, each can is 16oz – which is pretty standard for energy drinks these days like Monster, Reign, Rockstar, Game Fuel, C4, Bang, Spike, even some of the smaller knockoff brands out there making copycat products.

But here’s something that absolutely drives me nuts… they made one serving, half of the can (each can is two servings). Come on, man! No one drinks half of the can and then saves the rest for another day. Stop being deceitful to make your nutrition facts look better. We read labels these days because we know there are companies out there who want to make beverages multiple servings to keep their macros low when they know dang well that whole can is going down in one sitting.

Each serving of the Wired Energy Drinks Passion Fruit (remember, there are two servings per can) contains 10 calories, 2g of carbohydrates, and 0g of sugar. Drink the whole can and those numbers double. Honestly, in today’s age, every number on that panel should read zero. And the fact that it contains calories and carbs and STILL tastes horrible in inexcusable.

Some of the noteworthy ingredients in the can are vitamin B6, vitamin B12, vitamin D, aloe vera leaf extract, caffeine, calcium, green tea polyphenols, inositol, and taurine. Most of those ingredients are pretty standard in most energy drinks.

Why Am I So Frustrated and Disappointed with This Beverage?

While I purchased these cans of Wired Energy Drinks on sale for $0.50 a can, I wouldn’t even consider that a good deal as an everyday price for the drink. I only had this one flavor (passion fruit) but I truly hope the other flavors don’t taste anywhere as bad as this. I do see they have a berry flavor, strawberry lemonade flavor, what looks like an orange, and a few others. Cross your fingers and report back to me if you try any of those and can provide your feedback.

But my true frustration with Wired Energy Drinks is that in today’s age, you CANNOT put out a product that tastes horrible – you just can’t do it. Scratch it, destroy the batch, and start over. Take the loss on the chin and go back to the drawing board. The price point of the product may entice some initial purchases, but you won’t get repeat buyers if the product tastes like this. It’s completely unacceptable. Go look at Bang. Go look at C4. Go look at Reign. Go look at Rockstar. Their flavor profiles are off the hook.

Another interesting thing is that they aren’t in convenience. This may also show that those channels also thought the taste wasn’t great for the value, so the brand put it in grocery. Fact is, if you’re not in the coolers of gas stations across the nation (or have a HUGE following like Bang), you’re not going to do very well and “go places” with the brand.

I also feel like they could have done more with the packaging. It’s very plain and quite boring. There’s nothing about it that really sets it apart on the shelf. The only reason I saw it was because there was a shopping cart full of them in the middle of the aisle with a big sign saying, “SALE $0.50 EACH!” Before that, I never even noticed the brand on the shelf – which should say something when it comes to the packaging and not being able to grab the attention of consumers who walk by. I mean, I get other energy drinks from the same shelves and these NEVER made me ask “what’s this?” and look at the label.

Sorry, Wired Energy Drinks. You missed the mark. Hopefully, you can take constructive criticism and improve your beverages. The energy drink market is a tough one when you have behemoths taking up so much of the market share. You need to cross all of your T’s and dot all of your I’s to make a splash. I simply feel you didn’t accomplish that.  


  

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