by Gregg Valentino
Caution: For best results, read this column with a light on.
BREAKING NEWS: A UFO was recently spotted over the state of Maryland and was said to have tried to abduct Kevin Levrone …Big Mistake!!!… When the Aliens woke up three hours later, they had no memory of what had happened, but did find that their watches had stopped and their Ass-Holes were really sore……
OOOOWA, IT’S ABOUT TO GET “HOT & STEAMY” IN HERE, YO’ YOU MIGHT JUST WANT TO OPEN YOUR BATHROOM WINDOW!!! …..AND IF YOU DON’T HAVE A WINDOW IN YOUR FAVORITE READING ROOM THEN FOR GODS SAKE TURN ON THE DAMN BATHROOM FAN!!!
“Never judge a man by his the Stains on his ‘Tighty-Whities’, it’s what’s inside that counts!!!”..GV
Oh Shit ,,,,My Penis is Burning that means someone here reading this bullshit must be talking shit about me…HMMM or maybe it’s just my Herpes acting up again,,,Oh never mind !!!….SO MY OLD PAL KEVIN LEVRONE JUST COMPETED FOR THE LAST TIME ABOUT A MONTH AGO….I JUST WANNA SAY I AM PROUD OF HIM AND HONORED TO BE HIS FRIEND!!!….I FIRST MET KEVIN LEVRONE A VERY LONG TIME AGO (ALMOST 30 YEARS) BEFORE HE WAS A PRO AND I WATCHED HIM KICK ASS TROUGHOUT HIS WHOLE CAREER!!!!…I JUST SAW HIM WHILE I WAS WITH MY BOY CHRISTIAN DUQUE AT A RESTERAUNT IN COLUMBUS OHIO AND KEVIN WAS READY TO MAKE HIS FINAL; STAGE APPEARANCE,,,,BUT,,,,,,MAKE NO MISTAKE ALTOUGH HE MAY NOT COMPETE AGAIN TRUST ME,,,, YOU HAVENT HEARD THE LAST OF MY PAL KEVIN LEVRONE…..
FACT: Did you know that a secret ingredient in 5-Hour Energy is Kevin Levrone’s sperm!!!!
*ALERT*…*ALERT* …*ALERT* ..THIS JUST IN,,,, BREAKING FROM UP-STATE NEW YORK IN THE BUFFALO AREA….Local Mountain Lions have been complaining about the recent string of BIG FRANK attacks!!!..UPDATES ON THIS STORY AS THEY COME IN….
AS OF APRIL 30th 2018 > BIG FRANK & I WILL BE DOING ‘The Gregg & Big Frank Show’ EVERY ONTHER MONDAY AT 7pm eastern time ONLY ON THE IRONMAG LABS – FACEBOOK & INSTAGRAM PAGES….SO STOP FUCKING AROUIND AND MEET ME & BIG FRANK THERE FOR SOME CRAZY FUN!!!!!!…BUT FOR NOW WE WILL GIVE YOU A FEW BIG FRANK FACTS AS WE KNOW THEM….
FACT 1 >Ghosts sit around the Campfire and tell BIG FRANK stories!!!!…
FACT 2 >George Foreman has a BIG FRANK grill in his kitchen!!!
FACT 3 >The only thing that Burns BIG FRANK’s Ass more than some Expo MOMO thinking he has bigger Arms than BIG FRANK is,,, a lit match 1/8 of an inch away from his Asshole!!!
SIDE NOTE: ITS NOW END OF A FULL MONTH ON MUSCLEGELZ – ANDROHARD & MY SEX DRIVE IS KICKING…YO I HAD SEX WITH MY GIRLFRIEND TWICE TODAY, I JUST WISH SHE WOULD PLAY WITH MY BALLS A LITTLE MORE!!! …ANYWAY THE ANDROHARD BY MUSCLE GELZ HAS ENABLED ME TO GIVE YOU THE GOOD NEWS > GET THIS,, AT ALMOST 58 YEARS OLD I HAVE BEEN WAKING UP EVERY MORNING WITH A KICKSTAND , ( A NIGHT TIME SLEEPING HARD ON , I CALL IT A KICKSTAND BECAUSE I SLEEP ON MY SIDE AND IT PUSHES OFF THE BED AND KEEPS MER PROPPED UP LIKE A BIKE’S KICKSTAND ) ..OH YEAH BABE,,,,ITS TRUE!!!….AND HEY AT MY AGE THAT’S A GOOD SIGN,,,, WAKING UP WITH A MORNING KICKSTAND MEANS I’M FEELING GOOD!!!!….YO AND I’M NOT ON ANY ANABOLICS AS OF RIGHT NOW SO THIS IS A WELCOMED SIDE EFFECT!!!!.. BUT HEY I GOTTA TELL YA ,,,WHEN I WAS HAPPILY JUICED UP BACK IN THE DAY , I HAD A KICKSTAND( SLEEPING – NIGHT TIME HARD ON ) EVERY NIGHT AND A POCKET ROCKET ALL DAY LONG!!!!……”Back in the 90’s & early 2000 I was so happily ‘Juiced Up’ that the last Mosquito that bit me had to check into the Betty Ford clinic!!!”