Being Like These People in the Gym Will Not Make You Any Friends

by Matt Weik

If you’ve been at a gym for any length of time, I’m sure you have names for different people you see frequently—and we aren’t talking about terms of endearment. We are talking about individuals who get under your skin, and everyone else’s in the gym too. These feelings can be caused by a number of things. And this article is going to share some of the most common types of people at the gym who can get under our skin, so you can make sure you don’t fall under any of these categories.

1. Squat Rack Curler

The squat rack is used for mainly one thing—as the name implies, squats. If there is one squat rack in the entire gym, don’t be “that guy” who decides to do bicep curls in there. For starters, you’re probably not strong enough to even be in the squat rack, so stop venturing over to it in order to look cool. Everyone hates guys who use up the rack for curls. Go find a pair of dumbbells, or find a bar that you can use that’s not in the squat rack, so the serious lifters can actually get down to business and train heavy.

2. Dumbbell Hoarder

Listen, if your name isn’t on the sign outside of the building, stop hogging all of the dumbbells. You know exactly who I’m talking about. Those individuals who feel like super-setting their entire workout and have four pairs of dumbbells by their bench at all time. Enough already. Share the dumbbells. Your gym membership probably doesn’t even pay for what one set of those dumbbells. So, super-set with 2 pairs at the most, and if someone else wants to work in, allow them. You don’t own the dumbbells.

3. Squirrel Nuts

I’m not sure what goes on in the ladies’ locker room, but I’m sure it’s similar to the head shaking and scarring sights that are seen in the men’s. Gentlemen (especially the older population), please cover yourself and be courteous in the locker room. No one wants to see your sagging ball-sack dangling around like a dead yo-yo hanging from a finger. We all have a pair, but we all don’t need to see what you’re packing. I don’t care if you are King Kong, himself, cover up. And under no circumstances should you stand in front of the mirror with the blow-dryer and dry your twig and berries. Just stop.

4. Stetson Man

Listen Mr. Suave, this isn’t Match.com. You don’t need to come to the gym with 57 sprays of cologne on. You’re not going on a date in the gym, so save it for when you leave. If I can smell you from across the gym, you have too much on. Trust me, chicks are not going to dig your fragrance when they are trying to suck in air from some HIIT cardio and all they are inhaling is your scent—not cool. If you come to the gym smelling like you just left the club, hit the shower before you even start your workout. And then shower again after—everyone will thank you.

5. BO Funk

As men, we sweat—assuming you’re working out hard enough. Yet, some people have a natural body odor that isn’t the most appealing. Deodorant is your friend. No one wants to smell you on the machine next to them where every time you flap your arms around it’s like a manure wagon is passing by. You can feel your last meal starting to work its way back up. Be sure to use deodorant/antiperspirant, wear clean clothes, and bathe regularly. If for some reason you packed gym clothes or shoes that you thought were clean and they are funky, either go back and grab new clothes or separate yourself from everyone in the gym so you don’t bother them during their workout.

6. 5%’ers

No, I’m not talking about the cult followers that Rich Piana created. I’m talking about the guys in the gym who throw on every weight plate possible on a machine and do partial reps. You’ve seen them! They are the dudes on the leg press with 1,000+ pounds on the sled and have a dude sitting on top and when they do their reps it looks like they are having a seizure as their body and the weights only move about an inch. Yet the dude is screaming and has the facial expression of a woman giving birth. Enough already. You’re doing nothing for your physique or strength other than stroking your ego, which must be pretty dang low to need to do one-inch reps. If you can’t do full, complete reps, then lower the weight and swallow your pride.

7. Instagram Sensation

Everyone knows you’re important. So does your 81 followers on Instagram. Why do you even have your phone out while you’re exercising? All you’re doing is taking up space that someone else could be using to get in their own workout to get in and out of the gym quickly. No one has time to wait for you to take the perfect selfie to post on social media to prove you actually go to the gym. If you need to take a picture to show you’re at the gym, maybe you should focus on your workout more so people can look at you and know right away that you work out? Stop hogging the equipment and put your phone away.

8. Cardio Machine Ownership

Have you ever been to the gym and when you look in the cardio room, the same person is in there—on the same machine… every day? That’s a sure way to weird people out. I’ve even seen people who will either wait for that piece of cardio equipment to open up or will start on one machine and then jump on their usual piece as soon as it becomes available. It’s like the guy who needs to get the same parking spot every day at the office or it’ll throw off his entire day at work. Relax. Your body fat doesn’t know if you’re on your usual piece of cardio equipment or a different one. In fact, cardio might be less boring if you use a different machine to throw in some variety. Don’t be labeled as the dude who lives on that machine.

9. The Wet Dog

Even if you don’t smell when you work out, there’s a good chance that you’re at least breaking a sweat. Some people sweat more than others. There’s nothing that can be done to fix this. However, it’s disgusting when someone who sweats heavily doesn’t wipe down their equipment after each use. Have you ever walked over to a machine and looked down and it looked like someone hopped out of the pool and sat on the machine you wanted to use? It’s gross. If this is you, bring a towel and wipe down your equipment after you use it. If the gym provides cleaning materials such as a spray and paper towels, use them. No one wants to sit or lay in a pile of your nasty sweat.

10. Competitive Eater

Majority of the people going to the gym do not need to eat something in the middle of their workout. They aren’t a marathon runner or cyclist putting in insane amounts of miles on the cardio equipment. There’s no need for you to bring a snack or meal along with you to eat in the middle. And especially not on the gym floor. I’ll never forget the day I went to the gym and a guy was sitting on the floor eating pasta. I asked him what the heck he was doing and he said he needed to “refuel.” Listen, Lance Armstrong, take a nutrition course. Your body needs to break that down in order to utilize the energy you can gain from it. You’re not going to benefit from that meal while at the gym now if you’re just consuming it at this point. If you want some post workout nutrition, cool, go for it. But only after your workout. You don’t need to be dropping crumbs or spilling a protein shake all over the gym floor. Eat it in the lobby, in your car, or at the smoothie bar/café if your gym has one.
 

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